The Four Horsemen of Leadership: Identifying and Overcoming Toxic Workplace Dynamics

Communication is at the core of effective leadership. It builds understanding, collaboration, and trust. When communication breaks down, toxic patterns can take over, undermining leadership and team dynamics.

In the coming weeks, we’ll dive into theories from Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist famous for researching relationships, and see how they apply to leadership and workplace relationships.

Gottman identified four destructive communication patterns—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—that predict relationship failure. These same “Four Horsemen” show up in the workplace, affecting leadership, team cohesion, and organizational resilience. While these behaviors can emerge in any workplace relationship, they are particularly damaging when exhibited by leaders, as they set the tone for organizational culture.

Criticism: The Breakdown of Constructive Feedback

Criticism attacks a person’s character or competence. A leader who constantly nitpicks or personalizes feedback creates an environment where employees feel undervalued and attacked.

Instead of saying, "You never take initiative," try, "I’d like to see more proactive problem-solving."

Takeaway: Shift from criticism to constructive feedback. Focus on behaviors, not personal traits. For example, rather than saying, "You’re always late on deadlines," say, "I noticed the last few projects came in after the deadline. How can I help you manage your workload?"

Contempt: The Silent Killer of Workplace Culture

Contempt is an attitude of superiority, often shown through sarcasm, eye-rolling, or dismissive behavior. When leaders show disdain, it erodes trust, lowers morale, and leads to employee withdrawal.

Instead of saying, "I don't know why I even bother explaining this again," try something more like, "Let’s go over this one more time to make sure it’s clear. Let me know where I can clarify."

Takeaway: Replace contempt with appreciation. Recognize your team’s contributions and create a culture of psychological safety. Leaders should regularly express gratitude, even when addressing performance issues.

Defensiveness: The Barrier to Growth

A defensive leader deflects responsibility, makes excuses, or shifts blame, stifling open dialogue thereby preventing growth.

Takeaway: Model accountability. Admitting mistakes and embracing feedback encourages a growth mindset. For example, saying, "I missed that deadline. Here’s what I’ll do differently next time," shows accountability and builds trust.

Stonewalling: The Silent Treatment at Work

Stonewalling happens when leaders avoid tough conversations, shut down communication, or neglect follow-ups, leaving employees uncertain and disengaged. Ignoring emails, canceling one-on-ones, or saying, "Let’s talk about this later," without following up only fuels apathy.

Takeaway: Prioritize transparent communication. Make room for open dialogue, especially in tough times. Regular check-ins, actively listening to concerns, and following through on commitments build trust and keep teams engaged.

Final Thoughts

The Four Horsemen—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—breaks trust and undermines teams. To build resilience, leaders should focus on constructive feedback, show appreciation, embrace accountability, and keep communication open. The key isn’t whether these behaviors appear in your organization; it is how you address them that determines your leadership success and team resilience.

Which of these patterns do you recognize in your workplace? Identifying them is the first step toward positive change.

References

Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Gottman Institute. (2013, April 24). The four horsemen: The antidotes. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/